In the eye of the beholder

This past Sunday we had our 3rd annual "Soup Party" (idea credit to the Barbrows). Providentially the timing worked out so we could host our party while Alex & Bethany were visiting, so we had lots of help with the cooking, set up, and clean up. We were a bit unsure of how it would go this year since we're new in town and just starting to make friends. But it was actually tons of fun for everyone. We had a great time getting to know people a bit better and eating lots of soup and bread. All of the photos are from that night.
All of the sudden November is upon us and with it the anticipation of Thanksgiving. I've been doing quite a bit of thinking about thankfulness over the past few months. In life there are typically the glass half empty people and glass half full people. I would be the former. If I were to describe myself nicely I would say I am a realist. When I'm looking at a situation I am constantly examining all the angles. Coming up with things to worry about, complain about, or criticize is far too easy for me. I've always consoled myself that it is just the way I am, and someone has to be the realistic one. Lately however, I've started to wonder.........
It's always easier to spot your personal flaws in the mirrors of your children. They tend to pick them up and magnify them for all to see. I had noticed that my kids have quite the propensity for whining. I was trying to figure out what the driving force was behind that and as I examined our lives, I discovered that if they were learning it from anywhere, it was from me. I don't whine so much anymore, I've perfected it to look much more civilized and acceptable. I criticize and complain. Of course I always have very valid explanations for my behavior and have always been able to excuse it in myself. But it is much less masked in my children.
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At the same time as I began to notice this my husband did some well timed lecture series on attitudes drawing from the examples of the children of Israel found in the book of Numbers. One particular lecture was focused on complaining and the serious way in which God treated it in their lives. It was quite a rebuke to me as I have been busy excusing my negative spirit for quite a few years now, not considering it to be very important. But apparently God does not share my trivial opinion of my bad habit.
In reality this shouldn't be a problem for me at all. I have after all, been given the most amazing gift of all time: eternal life. All of the treasure of that hope, along with the blessings that accompany it in my daily life, should be enough for me to be the most thankful person alive. Christians above all people should characterized by thankfulness. I know all of this, so why then do I struggle?
So what to do.......I needed a place to begin and I was reminded of a book I had been considering purchasing called "1000 Gifts" by Ann Voskamp. I off and on read her blog and have found her to be a beautiful writer. I was aware that the premise of her book was focused on learning thankfulness, so I figured it would be a good place for me to start. As I have read, God has used her poetic words to reveal my heart to me. She is not a person who comes by a thankful spirit easily. Like me, she is an easily negative person by nature and so her stories of her personal struggles so honestly shared really spoke to my heart. She writes of starting the discipline of intentionally giving thanks, and the journey that God's spirit took in changing her heart, in teaching her to be a deeply thankful person. I recognize that this is something I need in my own life.
Living thankfully is really a choice. It is a choice to see God's blessings in everything around us, (because they truly are there) and choosing to name those blessing out loud. To call them what they are: gifts. Once you start naming them it becomes contagious, and you start to notice that even things you would naturally have wanted to call annoyances, frustrations, and set-backs might actually be blessings in disguise. It is almost impossible to complain and give thanks simultaneously, so in tackling this problem I am solving my other one. I am just beginning to really work hard on this discipline in my life, but already I can see that the effects on my heart, and consequently on the hearts of those around me are something worth working for. Since this the month of Thanksgiving, it is a particular opportunity for me to really focus my heart here. I want to choose to see God's blessings all around me and to say them outloud. We are crazy busy right now with life, and company, and holiday preparations, but I want to pause every day and name outloud the blessings right in front of my face. I think for me it is not something to be pushed off for when I have time, but something I must do for the sake of my heart and the heart of my children.

Comments

  1. KatieNovember 9, 2011 at 2:05 PM

    Your words are beautiful and painful at the same time. I've been frustrated several times this week by my own complaining spirit. I'm a whiner inside. But I have much, much to be thankful for! Thanks for writing this & I'm going to look up that book!

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