Good to Me
Three times so far during my stay in China, I have had a significant crisis of belonging. Each time it has been triggered by a different circumstance, but each time it has the same root. Something about being in China has triggered in me the fear that it is not worth it. That maybe this isn’t really where I am supposed to be. That the cost vs. benefit ratio might fall short. That the challenges I am facing are too much to bear and I will crumble under the weight. Every time the triggering factor has been a circumstance out of my control; something I can’t fix, can’t find the answer to, and can’t reason my way out of. And every time when I reach that point, my cry is the same one. “God give me a reason to stay or please, please let me go. Let me know somehow that you really want me here. Convince me that the struggle is worth it. And if not then let me go home, back to my comfort zone, close to my family & ...