Seeing The Unseen

This has been a different holiday season for me; a tearful Thanksgiving, a deeply introspective Advent, a painful and yet joyful Christmas, and a New Year resolved to live for what counts.   My whole holiday season has been intertwined with losing a sweet friend; a sister.   From the discovery over Thanksgiving weekend that she was terribly ill, into her hospitalization, suffering, and unexpected death on December 14 th , time was both agonizingly slow and painfully fast.   This holiday season of 2017 will forever be tied for our family to the loss of Vangile.   I’m not a complete stranger to death.   I saw enough of it in my job as a nurse, and have of course experienced the loss of each of my grandparents.   But to lose someone here, so far away from her home, who was young, the same age as me, someone who held a special place in each of our hearts, was shattering.   And to lose her as we did, with so much sickness and suffering, and so quick...

I’m a fixer.    I love puzzles (as long as they are reasonably solvable and not like a Rubix cube).   I hate sitting still.   I am always looking for a problem to solve.   Mystery books were my bread and butter growing up.   I love taking care of people, helping them, mothering them.   My first victim was my little sister but she eventually outgrew me so finally, I decided to make a career out of it by becoming a nurse.   Then came motherhood and finally a life overseas where I find myself regularly taking in new arrivals and helping them navigate this funny place we call home.    The trouble is that I can’t fix everything.   And that is where I am stuck.   I am up against a wall that has smacked me in the face with a speed and intensity that I never saw coming.   Someone trusted me, and I failed.   I thought I was helping them and supporting them.    I was trying to do the right thing.   But then ...

Heading into this past summer, I knew I would have a little extra quiet time and resolved that I wanted to take some time to simplify my focus and renew my heart and mind.   Some of that involved some practical things like cleaning out my Facebook feed so that it reflected what I intend to use it for, a way to keep in touch with people that I love, and a chance to read about things He is doing in the world.   I cleared out anything that didn’t accomplish one of those goals.   I also took on the task of evaluating our diet and making some healthy changes and planning the year better in terms of supplements to support the kid's health and my own.   But one of my major goals was to spiritually refocus.   So I was able to spend more time in prayer, and in my reading of his word, but also I wanted to read something that challenged me and pushed me towards positive change.   I looked through the extensive Kindle library that Rob is always working on add...

I am working full time again which is something I haven’t done since Robbie was born, so 10 years ago…….ouch, it hurts to even write that!   I am no longer in my 20’s with boundless energy and endless ambition.   The last time I was working full-time I was still happy staying up until midnight or one or two.   These days 9pm is my happy hour.   This definitely wasn’t in my plan for me at this point in my life.   I always figured eventually it would be a necessity, but really was planning for a few more years before it became a reality. However, I am thankful for the 10 years that I was able to work part-time or not at all while my babies were all born and had their early years.   God’s plans are so often very different from mine, and it has been clear that He has laid this out for me (and for us) for this season.   He has equipped us with all that we need to make it work for us as a family and set it in front of me as the obvious path forward. ...