Looking Back

While we were in the states I had the unique blessing of spending the afternoon with 3 lovely women who share my heartbeat for families who work overseas for our Father.  I got a tour of their amazing home and as we walked through it I heard story after story of how their needs were met through circumstances that were beyond their control.  Some of the stories of provision have their beginning even before these women were born.  All the seemingly unrelated threads weave a beautiful tapestry of His provision and direction in their lives. 

All of those stories got me thinking back over my life and helped me to notice different things that seemed unimportant or inconvenient to me at the time that were actually His direction and provision for me.  The list is long and keeps growing the more I think back.  When I was pregnant with Robbie I heard about a great pediatrician that came highly recommended by all the ER docs.  I tried to get in to see her but there was quite a long waiting list.  But when I delivered Robbie she just happened to be covering the vacation leave of the other pediatrician I had chosen since she was unavailable.  I was excited and asked if that meant I could get in to see her.  She smiled but said that wasn't how it worked.  But, unfortunately Robbie was pretty jaundiced and needed to go home with a Walloby machine until he improved.  He had to have regular blood draws from a home health nurse and I had daily conversations with the nurse at the pediatricians office.  At the end of that long week she told me I could join their practice after all since they already had a large file on Robbie.  At the time I was happy to get into the practice although I could have done without the hassle of carrying my infant and a large machine around the house 24/7.  But what I didn't know was that when we moved overseas she would take such good care of us, answering questions from overseas, providing prescriptions as I need them, and helping us get caught up when we visit the states.  Another seemingly inconvenient event that turned out for our provision came when Robbie was only 6 months old.  He woke up one morning with a lot of difficulty breathing, we went to the ER and came home with a home nebulizer machine to administer his breathing treatments every few hours.  Of course I wasn't thrilled to have my little guy struggle at the time.  But now years later, when I've used that nebulizer 100 times on the other side of the world I know why that inconvenient little sickness was necessary. 

There are 100's of other moments like that in my life, many of which I probably will never recognize for what they truly were.  But looking back on all of those moments gives me courage for today.  It gives me new eyes with which to see today's inconveniences and seeming trials and to take them for what they are;  gifts from my Father who is lovingly and carefully mapping out my life so that in the end I will look back and see the beautiful masterpiece he created with all the crazy brushstrokes that I couldn't understand at the time.  Today I was afraid looking ahead into a future I can't control and don't understand, but then I was reminded to look back let the beauty of promises kept and needs met give me peace and confidence that the future I can't see will be exactly like the past I couldn't have planned; a perfectly orchestrated masterpiece giving testament to the one who created us and loves us.  

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