When I wake in the morning


So it seems like all of my conversations these days are centered around satisfaction. This week I have discussed it in person, via e-mail, via facebook, via skype with lots of women who I love dearly. I have begun to marvel at the number of times it has come up and the knowledge that despite our different ages, cultures, positions in life, situations in life, we are all so similar. Maybe in part it's the dreary winter weather that never seems to end, coupled with the desire to peer around the corner a bit and discover spring. Maybe it's the circumstances that we find ourselves in. But mostly I think it's just that void way deep down in our souls that is always whispering that we haven't quite found it yet. If I could just have..... I would be satisfied. Over the years my blank has been filled in by many different objects of desire, some silly, some important, some good, some bad. But if I'm honest with myself there is almost always something in that blank. To have that toy, to be in that group of friends, to have that boyfriend, to make those grades, to survive nursing school, to get married, to buy that house, to have children, to travel, to do something really meaningfull with my life. On and on the list goes. I am a driven person and it's not often that I don't attain to a goal on my list. The curious thing is that although I have managed to reach most of those milestones, the blank is never empty. I don't stay satisfied for long.

I have felt this month the particular whisper of that void; that search for the "something" that will make me feel satisfied and complete. And as I have watched and listened to my own heart and the hearts of other women this month, I have recognized that the whisper is the really the voice of my Savior, calling me, pleading with me to come and be filled; filled with the water of life, that I might never thirst again. If you know me well you will know I am a person who makes lists, endless lists with dates that I check off on the calender as each thing is accomplished. My friends from nursing school can probably still picture me sitting in lecture with my calender, crossing off the days, crossing off the to-do-list. And I have been back at my old habits recently. This summer I was drinking of the living water and my soul was full, but I have slowly slipped back. About a month ago, I got obsessed with the fact that I could NOT be happy unless we traveled somewhere cool. Now I am not in the position to travel financially and also because I have two potty-training, nap needing toddlers. But it is what "everyone" else was doing and I decided it was a "need" for my happiness. My patient husband endured my whining for a good solid week before I realized how silly I sounded. After I all, I spend most of my time wanting to give all of our money away to the poor or adopt an orphan, and now I wanted to use all of that money to travel the planet. What a hopeless creature I am :-) God used this to give me pause and take a self-inventory of why it was that I was not already satisfied. Together we reviewed the great and many blessings that God has given me over my lifetime. More than I can count and far more than I deserve. Then we reached the heart of my problem: I have been so busy trying to do things for my savior that I have forgotten my savior. I was again trying again to fill the void with something that does not satisfy. In my "busyness for God" I had stopped simply sitting at the feet of my savior and drinking in the living water. I was thirsty again. I was trying to find my satisfaction in the things I was accomplishing for God when this was never His intent. He was calling me to find my fullness in Him, and I was to busy to listen. Instead of running I need to sit and soak in my Savior. As I have talked with these women and listened to the voice of my Savior I am again reminded of that "one needful thing". I am asking God that like the Psalmist, "When I awake I shall be satisfied with your likeness" (17:15).
Isaiah 26:8, "Your name and your remembrances are the desire of our soul. My My soul yearns for you in the night. My spirit within me earnestly seeks you."

Matthew 11:28 "Come to me all you that labor and are heavy laden and I will give you rest."

p.s. If you click on the post title, it will take you to a quite beautiful blog post on being satisfied with what God has given us.

Comments

  1. AnonymousFebruary 25, 2011 at 12:47 AM

    Gretchen,

    This is exactly what I needed to hear. You are so right - there is always a blank to be filled and once it's filled we think of something else that we "need". Thank you for sharing. I realize that lately my focus has not been on Christ, but on these things that I think I or my family "need".

    ~ Jessica Green

    ReplyDelete
  2. AnonymousFebruary 25, 2011 at 11:31 PM

    Thanks great reminder for me!

    Erica Neff (I still remember our extension ministry together with the little kids at Agnew Road) ;)

    ReplyDelete

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