Searching for Hope

These are uncertain times for us.  More than one friend has mentioned to me that they can feel the power of darkness here.  It is palpable in a way it has not previously been.  Perhaps it has something to do with all of the extra security for the conference this coming week, but I am certain that is not all.  The “air” if you will, has changed.  The spirit of open curiosity that has persisted here for years, allowing us incredible opportunity, has soured.  It has been replaced by suspicion and distrust.  Not for everyone, but for many. 

So in these troubling times, the temptation is to fear.  It would be easy to get stuck in the what-ifs, in speculation about the future, or just trapped by the spirit of fear itself.  But that is not a place that we are called to be.  And so in these weeks of intense security, whispered rumors, carefully chosen words, and prayerful decisions, I am choosing to search for hope.  I find hope first and foremost in the word of God.  The Bible is a treasure full of promises to us, instructions for living, and stories of God’s faithfulness in days past.  Reading those stories and reflecting on them is always a source of encouragement.  And so in that spirit, I am also on the hunt for stories of grace in the lives of those I know.  It reminds me that hope is real and assures me that He is working. 


This month I had the most wonderful opportunity to hold in my arms a miracle of grace.  A tiny little girl named Isabelle Grace.  I truly believe that every baby is a miracle.  Despite the advances of modern medicine, the conception and birth of a child remains somewhat mysterious and absolutely beautiful, albeit often painful and dangerous.  This baby, however, even more than others, symbolizes hope to me in so many ways. 

Her parents were among our first friends when we moved to this big country.  We possessed no language skills yet and everything sounded and felt very foreign.  But David and Rachel felt anything but foreign from our first meeting.  David speaks fluent English so that didn’t hurt.  But Rachel spoke none at the time, and I also spoke no Chinese.  But strangely we found we could communicate right from the beginning.  She is deeply expressive and kind so we struggled through our conversations with many gestures, lots of laughing, and when we really couldn’t find the solution, a little translation help from David.  It was love at first sight between Rachel and my children.  In a time where they were still feeling hesitant about new faces and strange sounding words, they took to Rachel (and David) like they had known them forever.  As newlyweds themselves, Rachel and David weren’t quite ready to start a family, but after watching them with my own children, I began to pray regularly that God would bless them with children when the time was right.    

The years stretched on after that and things got harder.  Rachel began experiencing pain and unexplained medical difficulties.  She was in and out of the hospital regularly, trying so many kinds of medications with no relief.  Finally, she was diagnosed with Rheumatoid Arthritis and put on heavy dosage steroid type medications to help control the pain and swelling in all of her joints.  She was regularly sick with viral infections and lung infections.  The hope of having children got smaller with each new and potent medication.  There seemed to be no relief in site from her disease.  She could accomplish very little and weather long lonely days in hospitals and at home without the ability to play the piano or play with children or do any of the other things she loved.  In those years they prayed long and hard about having children of their own, but it seemed impossible. 


Finally, her medical condition began improving and slowly but surely God started healing her.  However, the long years of sickness and sorrow had taken a big toll on their young marriage.  As she physically improved their relationships became more and more strained.  The fighting between them became intense and the feelings of hurt and betrayal magnified. The desire for and lack of a child was one of the many things that fed into the pain.  Rachel and I spent long hours on the phone and in person talking through the hurt, but it seemed that nothing could heal the rift between them.  We prayed and prayed, but with divorce now on the table, it seemed like hope was lost. 

What followed was a story of redemption that makes my heart want to sing.  With divorce in their hearts and mind, the church came alongside them and did what it is intended by God to do.  It rebuked and admonished and loved and cared for these two hurting hearts.  The truth was shared and received and gradually, little by little reconciliation occurred.  What was once a young and immature love, was replaced by a deep and fuller kind of love; the kind of love that has weathered injury, sickness, anger, and grief and has found that love is still worth giving and receiving.  The marriage between these two is now something of deep beauty, a beauty that is more deep and strong because of the pain it has endured and overcome.  What was a young couple full of zeal to serve God, is now a slightly more mature couple with no less zeal but with far more compassion, wisdom, and grace to come alongside those they serve. 

And finally, 9 years later, into this marriage of strength and beauty, there was born a little girl; Isabelle Grace.  I have prayed for this child faithfully for every one of those 9 years, even the darkest ones.  Prayer is not one of my greatest spiritual disciplines, in fact, it may be one of my worst, but this family and this child have always been on my heart.  For many of those 9 years, I couldn’t understand why God didn’t answer.  The wait seemed long and unkind at times to me.  But oh the wisdom of our God.  At just the right time, into just the right place, He answered. 


When David messaged me to say that Isabelle had been born, I wept with deep joy and my heart was immediately called to the words of this Psalm: 

Psalm 146:1-8

Praise the LORD! Praise the LORD, O my soul! 
2 I will praise the LORD as long as I live; I will sing praises to my God while I have my being. 
3 Put not your trust in princes,in a son of man, in whom there is no salvation. 
4 When his breath departs, he returns to the earth; on that very day his plans perish. 
5 Blessed is he whose help is the God of Jacob, whose hope is in the LORD his God, 
6 who made heaven and earth, the sea, and all that is in them, who keeps faith forever; 
7 who executes justice for the oppressed,who gives food to the hungry.The LORD sets the prisoners free; 
8 the LORD opens the eyes of the blind. The LORD lifts up those who are bowed down; the LORD loves the righteous. 

The next day I went to meet Isabelle.  Holding her in my arms was like hugging a miracle.  When I think of her I both smile and cry.  She is my living proof that out of even the darkest places, God can make something beautiful.  The story of her family is not perfect, but the imperfections of it are what make it most wonderful.  They showcase the grace and mercy and sovereignty of our God. 



**This story is shared with full permission and in-fact the encouragement of the family it is written about, they hope their story will inspire hope in the mercy and faithfulness of God**

*This post was written in May but because of recent security concerns in our area I put off posting it until we were out of the country.*

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