Peace

We have had a LONG two months of sickness.  It surprised me tonight when I sat down to write, that it has indeed been two months where not a week has gone by where someone in our home was not sick or injured. It’s kept me so busy that I missed writing in October and November.   It all started right after my birthday when I threw my lower back out and ended up out flat for a week.  We followed that up by a bout of influenza that is still lingering, have passed through everyone in our family and now is making a second round with Maddie and Ollie  who I suspect never quite shook it the first time.  Somewhere in there Rob threw his upper back out, and then his shoulder, Maddie had an eye infection, and Oliver got into the medicine cabinet overdosed on TUMS.  We’ve never had it this bad before.  I am starting to feel like “those people”.  You know the ones that are never far from disaster?  That isn’t usually us, but recently it feels that way.  We are piling up a list of medical bills a mile long from all of our various illnesses and injuries, our TV died, our car is broken in several spots, the door handle to our apartment has fallen off, and we seem to be just squeezing by from paycheck to paycheck. 

This does not exactly sound like a post Thanksgiving blog post right?  In the middle of all that was the U.S. presidential election, and as some of only a few Americans in a very international community, we have been asked a lot of very difficult and uncomfortable questions this month. It was also the month where we needed to decide if we wanted to renew our contracts with the school that we work for and our children attend, and if so in what capacity and with what implications for our children.  That itself contained a series of challenging questions that we had to answer in a short amount of time. 

Humanly speaking it’s been a strange, and exhausting fall season.  Physically we are lacking energy, and often we find ourselves mentally and emotionally drained.  But despite all that, I am surprised, that I feel a deep and overwhelming sense of peace and thankfulness.  I shouldn’t be surprised by that,  but somehow I am.  Of course I have had temporary moments of panic, wondering how I will pay for the doctor that I am about to visit, or figuring out how to dial poison control internationally.  But as I stop to take a breath, and check my heart for the truth, I find that I can be at peace.  We’ve been studying this semester in Philippians, and I’ve been teaching my kids these truths.  “Rejoice in the Lord ALWAYS, I will say it again REJOICE.” And “Don’t worry about anything, instead pray about everything, tell God what you need, thank him for what He has done.” And then the promise, “and the peace of God that passes ALL understanding will guard your heart and mind.”  That is powerful.  That sense of peace is uncanny.  It’s one of those things that money can’t buy, and circumstance can’t take away.  “I am leaving you with a gift – peace of mind and heart.  And the peace I give is a gift that the world cannot give.  So don’t be troubled or afraid.”  John 14:27.

So these past weeks, when the big decisions had to be made.  Peace.  When it seemed like everyone else was looking at our election with fear.  Peace. When my toddler ate too many TUMS J.  Peace.  When we were down for the count with pneumonia, back injuries, and assorted other illnesses.  Peace.  When we ran out of money.  Peace.  Of course there were passing moments of doubt, but they passed, and I found every time that underneath it all was a current of peace, that couldn’t be stopped by the circumstances, or difficulties, or challenges.  And so by His grace I have been able to put 1 foot in front of the other, and keep walking. Not without stumbling, but never without the courage to get up and the faith to trust that He has this.  I sure don’t.  I don’t have any of this: trust in our political system, control over our health, enough money, enough time, enough wisdom.  But I do have HIM, and HE IS ENOUGH.  And in that knowledge there is peace. 

I see His hand in all things big and small.  In the middle of the challenges there have been so many blessings.  After a year with no real friends, Maddie has a best friend this year.  After years of struggling to read, Robbie is reading book series.  After years of struggling with his confidence Robbie got elected to Student council and is thriving in his class.  Even though our finances have been tight, we had just enough to pay our bills down to the dollar every time.  Our Sunday group is a phenomenal thing to be a part of, working together, blessing each other, and sharing His love.  There are little people everywhere and our tiny SS (which we have prayed for for years) is so much fun.  Our Soup party was a blast, and miraculously it was the only weekend out of the last 2 months where all 5 of us were healthy at one time.  So despite the daily challenges, the reasons to rejoice are many, not the least of which is peace in our hearts because of who He is and what He has done.