Finding Normal
It's the last day of June, in fact the last hour of June, and I just realized I didn't write a blog post! Whoops! So to keep my own promise to myself, I had better be quick :-)
It's so nice to be back stateside again. We had a nearly perfect trip. Good flight schedules, no delays, no lost luggage, and most importantly NO screaming baby. Oliver did so well I could barely believe it. The kids all got over jet-lag almost effortlessly and they have settled into life at Nana's house (aka grandkid wonderland) with seamless ease. The transition back has had it's own difficulties for me as I am watching my mom struggle to care for my rapidly failing grandmother and try to lend a hand wherever I can. That's a hard one, the bond between mothers and daughters is a strong and complex one. Watching my mom and her mom at this stage of life is terribly painful and somehow a little bit beautiful in some ways too. It makes me love my mom even more. She gives and gives and then gives some more. She is tireless in her efforts to do the very best she can for her mom. I love her for it. I love my grandmother so much as well and watching her loose control of her life; her independence, her mobility, her small joys, is difficult to say the least. This part of life is a hard one. There is too much to say to even put down in words right now and really it isn't my story, it's theirs. I am just standing by, observing really, and lending a helping hand wherever that is possible. But since we are all family, our lives can't help but touch and affect each other in so many ways. So this will flavor our summer and our year I think in many ways.
On a different note, one of the things I always really appreciate about coming back is the chance to "find normal". Living in a foreign country where 90% of your relationships are with people who don't share your background, your nationality, your ideals, or your values, it becomes difficult not to get a little lost. Without realizing it in life we benchmark ourselves against other people who are of a similar age, similar education, have similarly aged children, or are from a similar background to name a few. It's natural and normal. It's something I have found that I very much miss when living abroad. In some ways it can be nice: No pressure to "keep up with the Jones" when you don't know anyone named Jones :-) So it's nice not to have to monitor all the latest fashion trends, worry about what size our house is, how expensive our car..........that's not the part that I miss. What I do miss is the opportunity to share notes with other mom's about what milestones their kids are conquering, what struggles they have as a family trying balance work and family life and church, the pressures they face trying to decide how best to help extended family or aging parents, how/where to invest money. Simple things really, and probably most people don't even realize that in the simple life discussions between friends, family, co-workers, church members, and neighbors they give and get this information regularly and use it in helpful ways. It's not the same when you live abroad and the people you build relationships with come from vastly different backgrounds, life situations, and ideals. I learn amazing things from them. They broaden my horizons, open my mind to new experiences, and give me so much joy. But there is something missing in those relationships that just can't be created. We can never fully and completely understand the place that the other is coming from because we simply haven't lived it. We can't appreciate all the implications of the cultural and family pressures that they face. And the same is true for them in relation to us.
Which is why coming back is such a breath of fresh air. I just love talking to other American moms, people with kids similar in age to mine, people who share my values, people who grew up where I did. I want to know if their kids can swim, and how well they read English, and what things they are into now. I want to know how they are managing the family/work/church balance and what that looks like. I want to know how they are helping family who doesn't live close by. I want to know what they do with their time. In a funny way it help me find normal. Sometimes I feel like I live on an island, in the middle of my 10 million people city. There is no one like me. No one who really gets me. No one who wants to raise their kids in the same way that I do. The list could go on. For all of the truly amazing relationships that I am blessed to have and treasure dearly, I still miss having an American girlfriend who "gets me" that lives close by. So if I ask a lot of questions when I see you this summer, please be patient with me. I'm trying to find my "normal" again. I'm trying to get grounded. I'm trying to figure out if the things I am thinking and the struggles I am facing are just a part of life and normal for everyone, or if they mostly relate to being a foreigner in a foreign place.
This was a bit rambling. So sorry if you read it and scratch your head. But I must hit "post" before midnight :-)
It's so nice to be back stateside again. We had a nearly perfect trip. Good flight schedules, no delays, no lost luggage, and most importantly NO screaming baby. Oliver did so well I could barely believe it. The kids all got over jet-lag almost effortlessly and they have settled into life at Nana's house (aka grandkid wonderland) with seamless ease. The transition back has had it's own difficulties for me as I am watching my mom struggle to care for my rapidly failing grandmother and try to lend a hand wherever I can. That's a hard one, the bond between mothers and daughters is a strong and complex one. Watching my mom and her mom at this stage of life is terribly painful and somehow a little bit beautiful in some ways too. It makes me love my mom even more. She gives and gives and then gives some more. She is tireless in her efforts to do the very best she can for her mom. I love her for it. I love my grandmother so much as well and watching her loose control of her life; her independence, her mobility, her small joys, is difficult to say the least. This part of life is a hard one. There is too much to say to even put down in words right now and really it isn't my story, it's theirs. I am just standing by, observing really, and lending a helping hand wherever that is possible. But since we are all family, our lives can't help but touch and affect each other in so many ways. So this will flavor our summer and our year I think in many ways.
On a different note, one of the things I always really appreciate about coming back is the chance to "find normal". Living in a foreign country where 90% of your relationships are with people who don't share your background, your nationality, your ideals, or your values, it becomes difficult not to get a little lost. Without realizing it in life we benchmark ourselves against other people who are of a similar age, similar education, have similarly aged children, or are from a similar background to name a few. It's natural and normal. It's something I have found that I very much miss when living abroad. In some ways it can be nice: No pressure to "keep up with the Jones" when you don't know anyone named Jones :-) So it's nice not to have to monitor all the latest fashion trends, worry about what size our house is, how expensive our car..........that's not the part that I miss. What I do miss is the opportunity to share notes with other mom's about what milestones their kids are conquering, what struggles they have as a family trying balance work and family life and church, the pressures they face trying to decide how best to help extended family or aging parents, how/where to invest money. Simple things really, and probably most people don't even realize that in the simple life discussions between friends, family, co-workers, church members, and neighbors they give and get this information regularly and use it in helpful ways. It's not the same when you live abroad and the people you build relationships with come from vastly different backgrounds, life situations, and ideals. I learn amazing things from them. They broaden my horizons, open my mind to new experiences, and give me so much joy. But there is something missing in those relationships that just can't be created. We can never fully and completely understand the place that the other is coming from because we simply haven't lived it. We can't appreciate all the implications of the cultural and family pressures that they face. And the same is true for them in relation to us.
Which is why coming back is such a breath of fresh air. I just love talking to other American moms, people with kids similar in age to mine, people who share my values, people who grew up where I did. I want to know if their kids can swim, and how well they read English, and what things they are into now. I want to know how they are managing the family/work/church balance and what that looks like. I want to know how they are helping family who doesn't live close by. I want to know what they do with their time. In a funny way it help me find normal. Sometimes I feel like I live on an island, in the middle of my 10 million people city. There is no one like me. No one who really gets me. No one who wants to raise their kids in the same way that I do. The list could go on. For all of the truly amazing relationships that I am blessed to have and treasure dearly, I still miss having an American girlfriend who "gets me" that lives close by. So if I ask a lot of questions when I see you this summer, please be patient with me. I'm trying to find my "normal" again. I'm trying to get grounded. I'm trying to figure out if the things I am thinking and the struggles I am facing are just a part of life and normal for everyone, or if they mostly relate to being a foreigner in a foreign place.
This was a bit rambling. So sorry if you read it and scratch your head. But I must hit "post" before midnight :-)
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