Trust Fall

This fall is flying by.  Already thoughts of Christmas started creeping in this week…….I’m not usually the kind of girl who starts thinking Christmasy thoughts before Thanksgiving, but this year involves a lot of looking ahead for me.  Being pregnant puts everything on a time table.  Every week gets measured and counted as an accomplishment and reason for thanks.  The tiny baby kicking inside of me constantly reminds me of his presence, already so full of life and possibilities.  He reminds me hourly that he is growing and will be making his way out into the world before I know it and I will need to be ready. 



In the meantime there are holidays to be celebrated, children to raise, jobs to do, people to love.  Always so many things swirling around, but I can’t forget the doctor check ins, the prenatal vitamins, or the the name debate.  Thankfully I’m not worried about making a nursery or nesting in that way just yet.  I have a few wonderful friends/sisters who will give me mostly everything I need passed down from their own lovable children.  After the holidays I’ll make some time and some space in our apartment for our newest blessing to be welcomed into. 


I am a girl who loves action.  I don’t like sitting back and waiting for things to happen to me.  I like to make things happen.  I also like control.  I like to be in charge of my universe and keep it on course by my hard work and planning.  Of course life very often doesn’t work that way and I am confronted by another reality:  I’m not in charge.  Just like this little baby inside of me regularly confronts me with the reality of his presence by a sharp kick or the increasing difficulty I have bending over, life confronts me with my powerlessness from time to time.  When those confrontations happen, I have the difficult but priceless opportunity to see inside my own heart.  I have to choose who I really am and what I really believe.  The illusion of control is nice, but it’s only that an illusion.  In reality I’m not the one putting this puzzle together and I don’t always agree with the way it fits.  So when I don’t agree what do I do?  I can either grasp wildly for the reigns and try to fix everything to be back the way I planned it, or I can bow before the one who is really in charge, and allow Him to show me a better way. 

I was confronted recently by one of those reality moments.  A situation I desperately wanted to control, but had no power over.  Angry, I turned to my King and accused Him of not caring, not loving, not being powerful enough to help me.  Thankfully instead of a stern rebuke, I got a loving redirect.  He solved my problem, without my help, in a different but better way than the one I had chosen.  In the end, the resolution clearly had nothing to do with my fantastic planning skills, hard work, effort, or resolve.  He accomplished what He had planned to do all along and graciously gave me what I needed in the process.



 I will always be a girl who loves action.  I will never understand people who sit around waiting for “something” to happen.  I still believe that God gave us abilities, skills, and opportunities to be USED for His glory.  And so I try to use them with all my heart.  But the difference I think needs to be in my attitude.  When He closes a door, or blocks my intended path, I need to trust.  I need to know that just as He has done EVERY TIME BEFORE, He will come through for me.  I can trust HIM.  So instead of grasping wildly, angrily, frightened at the strings of my life, I should bow in worship and trust, knowing He has a better plan and that I will see it in His time.  I should keep serving and working and worshiping and waiting on Him.  

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