I have learned, that I still have a lot to learn.

I have learned…….that I have a lot to learn.


I am 16 weeks pregnant……..with a baby that was a complete surprise to me.  For years we tried with no success to expand our family, and then when we closed the book on it, along came a sweet surprise.  We are thrilled to be adding another child into our little family unit, actually my children could not be more excited.  They have dreamed and prayed about this for quite a long time.  As each new cousin was added to our extended family, they would rejoice and then get back to praying that the next one would be for our house.  They are so sweet.  We have daily discussions about boy vs. girl, and arguments over who will feed the baby, play with the baby, and keep the baby in their room.  I think I’m going to have plenty of help J

But I find myself in an unexpected situation……..again.  Most of life is full of the unexpected, and I have learned that what God brings into our lives is much better than the things we expect and dream for ourselves.  I have also learned with each passing life situation, that even the things I expected of myself were not always realistic or of value.  Before I got married (after 6 years of dating the same man), I assumed married life would be pretty easy.  My parents marriage has always been wonderful, and although I know they had their own share of struggles, it never looked hard from the outside in.  I had dated Rob for long enough to assume our road would be smooth.  After all, what else could we possibly learn about each other that we didn’t discover in 6 years of dating?  Reality was rough, and figuring out how to love each other and grow together in a lasting way took a lot more work than I expected.  A few of those “I would never……”  statements came back to bite as I learned some of the things that I was capable of when frustrated or hurt.  10 years into being married, I am so thankful for the Godly wonderful man that has chosen to commit himself to me and love me for life.  Most days are wonderful, but there are still some that aren’t.  It really is a life-long commitment. 

Then there were all those things I thought that I would do or wouldn’t do as a mother………that list was probably longer.  It’s amazing how many times I laugh to myself in my head or grimace and think, I remember when I thought I would never……….as I find myself doing or saying the exact opposite.  Before you have children you can’t imagine yourself screaming at your children just because they broke something…….again……., and of course no one ever envisions themselves letting their little kids watch TV……….hahaha.  Then real life sets in and you again find that you are not always the perfect version of yourself and that sometimes that’s ok.  I watched that movie, “Mom’s Night Out” last week, and laughed so hard there were tears streaming down my face.  Being a mommy is something else.  It’s the most wonderful yet sometimes most frustrating job that ever existed. 

Since coming to China I’ve run up against a whole new list of my “I would nevers…..”.  I would never hire someone to clean my house.  Ooops.  I would never let my kid ride in a vehicle without a carseat.  Ooops.  I would never eat street food.  Oops.  I would never climb a mountain with my baby strapped to me and a stranger carrying my toddler.  Oops.  I could never pee on a squatty potty.  Oops.  I would never eat chicken feet.  Oops.  I would never let my kid eat something that had been on the floor…….hahahaha. Life tends to present you with a completely unexpected set of circumstances that often changes the rules of the game you thought you were playing. 

I am now about to enter a whole new world of I would nevers.  I would never deliver a baby in China…………Yikes!  I would never hire a nanny to watch my baby while I went to work…………….. and yet here we go.  I work part time in a job that our family needs me to keep.  Truthfully it’s a job I really enjoy.  But enjoy it or not, at this particular point in our family’s life, this job is where I need to be.  God provided it in His perfect timing, and until He changes our life circumstances, this job is a continuation of His provision for us.  So, from 7-12 every morning, I will need to hire someone to watch my little baby.  I’ve actually never had a “stranger” (not family or close friend) watch my children.  I’ve been blessed that way and have always had a network of people I trusted to help when I’ve needed them.  I have very mixed feelings about all of that.  I know it’s right, but I will miss my baby for those morning hours.  However I am incredibly thankful for all the afternoon hours that I will get to spend with him/her.  And I am thankful to be able to provide for my 2 older children with the job that I have.

Being a person, a woman, a wife, a mother, is hard work.  There are always choices to be made.  Many times you don’t know if you are making the right choice at any given moment.  The best you can do is know God’s word, pray, and choose to the best of your ability at that time.  God always takes care of the rest.  If you make a mistake, and I have made many, you get back up and try again.  Living life, experiencing new things, moving to another country, being a daughter, student, friend, sister, wife, mother, employee, and church member, have taught me a lot about myself and a lot about the way I see things.  I have learned everyone’s life looks a little different, or a lot different, from mine……and that’s ok.  I am learning, slowly, painfully, to not make so many assumptions about what is good or bad based solely off of my own experiences or preferences.  Our ultimate basis for truth is God’s word.  What He says is good will always be good.  What He says is bad will always be bad.  But there are a lot of things that don’t come in black and white.  We are each responsible to make the best choices we can based on the life that God has given us at this moment.  Our choices may not make everyone happy (that’s hard to do).  People may not understand or agree with what we believe to be the right choice for our family at any given moment.  With each new experience my resolve becomes a little bit stronger to not be so quick to judge, so quick to assume that because I do it this way, it’s the right way.  I want rather to be quick to encourage people to keep trusting God and keep doing their best in whatever situation God has placed them.  I’m trying to stop myself from making up new “I would nevers…..” For one thing because I’m not perfect, and some of the things I thought I would never do, I certainly have done because I am human and a sinner and I make mistakes.  For another thing because lots of the things on my I would never lists, actually have been things that have been just what I needed.  Some of my greatest memories and learning experiences come from those "I would never moments....."  So really I have learned, that I still have a lot to learn.  Praise God that He’s a patient teacher J

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